I'm an idiot: what's your excuse?
My Smash Hits archive
Viz's most overlooked quality has always been a furious intelligence.
Orson Welles never directed a picture that made a profit in his lifetime.
Woody always envisaged I'd give him a wisecracking, zeitgeisty cartoon that would deal with relationships, politics, social commentary.
Aliens, which came out seven years later, proved even more radical; taking what had been a subtext and pushing it to the foreground.
Capitalism is evil, immoral and contrary to the teachings of Jesus.
Equally inspiring to the synth-pop artists was Kraftwerk's formality
We're all eating our way through the potato.
A lot of women in our studies said they just wanted sex for the pure physical pleasure.
It will be another musical revolution created by the Beatles to make our planet a planet of music.
The Beatles sound taut, vital and surprisingly brutal.
Byrne's drive to keep moving forward is one reason why he persistently rules out a Talking Heads reunion.
Peter Sellers called it "a terrifyingly bad film" and his promised percentage of the takings was little more than £33.
Can we trace a whole strand of anarcho-absurdist UK comedy back to Milligan's WWII experiences?
And most people have a woman in their heart, most men have a woman in their heart and most women have a man in their heart.
I guess songs are just interesting things to do with the air.
Ireland vacation photos
There is a pause as they seem to take in the magnificence of what they have done.
David Byrne wouldn't have a shed.
It is a film that has caused Tom Waits to cry ("I'd like to hear that," Shearer chuckles)
Celtic flags fly triumphantly in the evening shadows here today.
When I was 18 the vision was to make music that didn't exist, because everything else was so unsatisfactory.
Kim and Kelley Deal, the very ordinary twins behind the extraordinary music of the Breeders, are not your typical rock stars.
The Nouvelle Vague, so canonical, so assured of its own history, was really the joyful experiment of a few excitable friends.
I think I have a knack for manufacturing.
Keaton recognised that he could provoke a bigger response by keeping his face deadpan and making a virtue of his resilience.
Becoming a woman has meant everything to me.
"Bernie Rhodes knows, don't argue!"
Nobody expected Arsenal to win.
Remain in Light, and the shows that a hugely expanded talking Heads played to support it, became seen as a defining moment for music
Godard made movies with his brain; Truffaut made movies with his heart.
Veronica is beautiful, clever, sexy, rebellious, popular and aggressive.
As Jean-Luc Godard famously quipped, a story should have a beginning, middle and end - but not necessarily in that order.
Having a farmer on the pig's back is low-tech and unsexy but it seems to work
Maybe my legs do look stumpier than Gwyneth's. But I bet I'm a lot more fun at a party.
Get your hosiery right. Woolly tights provide better grip than shiny hose.
But Mulholland Drive, which so divided critics that serious public rows were had over the film's meaning, is a work of sheer genius.
Twenty-five years is a long time. The decades keep rockin' and rollin' by - first one, then the next, then, finally, half of the next.
Eastwood never betrayed an interior life beyond the hint of a secret sadness.
If Tarkovsky's previous film, Solaris, seemed like a Soviet 2001, was Stalker Tarkovsky's take on The Wizard of Oz?
Did I mention that I cried?
Naps make you brainier, healthier, safer.
When Take Hart was being broadcast on Tuesday afternoons in 1978, children would rush home from school to see it.
It is a good day to rejoice in your healthy sexuality
Spain is sunny, and I freckle.
If I could give a gift to Christmas Day itself, it would be the promise that there would never be another Christmas movie.
It's Cliched To Be Cynical At Christmas
Black tights is a sexy-attractive clothes for girls and women
it was just two people who really loved each other but who found it impossible to communicate any more
When John Cale asked Cohen to send him the lyrics, 15 verses scrolled through the fax machine.
Humph didn't suffer fools gladly, but he did suffer them politely.
We were on the train from Paddington and when it stopped at a small station the Beatles got on.
But it was when he was assigned to children's programmes that Postgate was drawn to his true niche in life.
In the US, glam drag is an act performed by men who want to be women.
James Paul McCartney is shrugging off his often gratifying but occasionally burdensome legendariness
In the Beatles we didn't even think Sgt Peppers was a risk at the time.
Did you know that The Beatles wrote a song about The Big Lebowski in 1965?
The Big Lebowski combines stoner comedy and noir pastiche with a celebration of life's simple pleasures
For one whose place in history is not so much secure as gloriously, unquestionably assured, Paul McCartney behaves as though there is some doubt.
It will help reaffirm McCartney's claim to have been the most musically adventurous of all the Beatles
And someone sent me the lyrics to a Fall song, by Mark E Smith, and it's about 'that Harry Hill, all that taxpayers' money, when we're crying out for doctors'.
Jean Renoir's masterpiece is not only a moving anti-war statement but a rich exploration of class loyalties and transcending friendships.
Then a young filmmaker from Pittsburgh by the name of George A Romero changed everything.
Grunge wasn't nihilist or moany - they really did want a better world for everyone.
The result is that The Right Stuff is now best read as an elegy - a remembrance of vanished times.
For me, Stockhausen was one of the pioneers who started a new root in music.
Street Culture: Lolitas at Royal/T in Culver City
Samantha says it's difficult to beat his famous tongue in cider.
I yearn for the day when I can introduce the Fall on Top of the Pops
'John Lennon 1940-1980, Musician & Songwriter, lived here.'
I made Charles Schulz smile politely!
the Beatles were neither capitalists nor left-aligned revolutionaries: just musicians, driven by inexplicable imperatives to do their thing
The book isn't aimed at misunderstood young cross-dressers
Lebowski Fest - it's fantastic fun.
(For Beatles completists: He also bought a metal-body National ukulele with a brown wrinkle finish.)
Exactly 40 years ago, the film director Lindsay Anderson was preparing for the release of If...
To keep the Fall relevant, Smith believes he has to destroy each lineup whenever the band edges towards the mainstream.
I can see that a lot of bands rely on inspiration, from the lack of quality in their work.
In record time Up the Creak has surpassed The Casting Couch as the most popular short on our site.
Dresses are just marvellous.
Badlands is defined by the contradiction between what we see and what we hear.
So that's just going to have to remain a mystery for all those Dylanologists
Everything That Happens Will Happen Today may be an album of subtle pleasures, but they are pleasures all the same.
Join me now for a rare glimpse into the heart of Tom Waits.
John Lennon memorably asked people to leave him alone because after all, he was only sleeping.
Then she wraps my breasts in gauze, and smears it with clay.
When he passed on production money from a film to Italian revolutionaries, they used it to open a transvestite bar.
"I loved him so much that I would ski naked down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to."
Today, millions of men around the world wear skirts
“Does Eddie know that scientists have proven that the Bible is right?”
Everything That Happens Will Happen Today
No other player in modern British football history has had the combination of talent, dedication, durability and football intelligence possessed by Kenny Dalglish.
a naked Brian later throws back the shutters of his house to be greeted by hundreds of supporters proclaiming him the new messiah
My co-workers are World Champions!
"United Artists said to Woody, 'Woody, do your thing'. They have allowed him to mature into a fine filmmaker."
You can't help but notice that Rohmer's films are still invariably populated by a host of gorgeous young actresses
"We need to ask ourselves questions: what is perverse?"
Venus in Furs, basically one long masochistic fantasy
Children quickly learn that one of the most enjoyable things you can do with language is to play with its sounds, words, grammar - and spelling.
The Beatles' alleged telepathy gets a lot of play in the assorted versions of their story
And that's how it was with the Beatles; none of us was very sports-minded.
From the start Leonard Cohen was out to surprise by cunning.
The BBC has defended its decision to include cross-dressing Turner Prize-winning artist Grayson Perry on the panel of last night's Question Time
It has long been considered the most troublesome character in the German alphabet.
The paradigm for the perfect pop group, for the ideal creative dynamic, is still the Beatles.
His mocking tone is a reminder that, in the truest sense, Talking Heads were a punk band.
Thus Darwin's odyssey came about only because of one man's dread of inherited insanity.
But restraint has never been Nick Cave's strong suit
All fecund in its nuttiness.
Shankar became the guru who turned George Harrison - and, by extension, the Beatles - on to Indian music, culture and philosophy.
John Lewis's newest store looks like a big box wrapped in fancy tights.
You can transform a dress with hosiery
It helps that Cave has spent the past few years making the best music of his career
Some 24 years after their debut, Blood Simple, the Coen brothers remain the living embodiment of the phrase "hiding in plain sight".
Renard says she had an amazing week and remembers in particular watching A Hard Day's Night with Lennon on the TV.
It is very attractive to be so self-deprecating and the style, I think, comes from the importance of always being a gentleman.
I think it was the Humphrey Lyttelton show, the urbane man in the middle of the idiots.
Even as a young man Humphrey Lyttelton, who has died aged 86, always seemed a jazz patriarch
I've never met a guitarist I liked
When the Fall played live it was: attack!
since his 1971 breakthrough in The French Connection, Hackman has struck a chord with Americans that no other actor of his generation could
Deal is really a sound stylist, an analogue obsessive, and a perfectionist.
The semicolon is necessary; I have just proved it
So we decided we should try and get the money to film David Byrne, and then we could hang out with him.
My musics are on the interweb
! [Click the Library tab; scroll down to Domestic Science]
In almost every Bertrand Tavernier movie, there is a scene showing the main character eating.
There was one: Stuart Sutcliffe
The Beatles were very fortunate to have him.
Aspinall was one of the few who enjoyed the Beatles' unquestioned trust
I look at America as if it were Wembley stadium—it’s only so big but you can fit a lot of people in it.
They have become as much a part of my image as the bright red lips and torn fishnets.
2001: A Space Odyssey's eventual impact no doubt justified the effort expended.
Kim Deal was 13 years old when she wrote her first song.
Bob Dylan has always had it. Leonard Cohen deals specifically with it.
John Cale's remains the mother of all Hallelujahs and is unlikely to ever be matched.
It later emerged in his girlfriend's memoirs that Buckingham had become obsessed with Talking Heads
Between them Adams and Paisley made Northern Ireland ungovernable and brought death, destruction and untold misery to tens of thousands
Welcome to the world of the screwball comedy.
Steve Malkmus's Scrabble Tips
It's hilarious, chilling and exhilarating: further evidence of the unique and enviable position Cave finds himself in at 50.
From the outset, Kraftwerk was a band shrouded in mystery.
Casting Jeff Bridges in The Big Lebowski was an undoubted stroke of genius.
Cave is one of rock's greats.
Absurdism is a noble calling.
Being amazed by the music of Portishead was not an activity at the top of many people's agendas for 2008.
I actually just talk comedy and happen to be a transvestite.
His first large role, which gained him an Oscar nomination, was as Hackman's low-key cop partner Buddy Russo
Paul Thomas Anderson is doing something new with cinema, and you can hardly ask for more than that.
Charles Darwin had a big idea, arguably the most powerful idea ever.
The Coen brothers' thing was kind of a miracle.
The products of his lassitude are vivid, cool and catchy; it's a casual beat poetry that still puts most lyricists to shame.
For anyone over 25, the news that Grange Hill is to be axed after one final series is no occasion for sorrow. We had, after all, by far the best of it.
One thing really stands to mind: flying sausages
The turkey shot to fame in the 1990s on children's TV programme The Den with fellow puppets Zig and Zag
Of course, the whole point of Rocky Horror is that you should never be ashamed to be different
"Send my love to the aliens."
Fifty years ago, an international jury meeting in Brussels acclaimed Sergei Eisenstein's Battleship Potemkin as the greatest picture ever made.
The RPM Challenge
The movie is what it is — a sustained mood, an empty allegory, a choreographed moment outside of time, and a shocking intimation of perfection.
colourful tights are all about creating an overall effect
The Beatles was a lot of fun and we made great music.
I designed and developed 18 collections that year, including dresses and undies, tights, bed linen and make-up.
The two key films of the year were Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey and Lindsay Anderson's If...
The Coens show us the pain of gunshot wounds and reality of death.
The Coens are back with a vengeance, showing their various imitators and detractors what great American film-making looks like
It could almost be a scene from a Paul Thomas Anderson movie
If No Country for Old Men isn't a masterpiece, then it will certainly do until one gets here.
This chair can hold your buttocks, 15 inches in the air.
There's no shortage of remarkable 'dos in The Big Lebowski
the Coen brothers seemed to be making a perverse point about the way gadgetry frustrates drama
whether or not you yourself should embrace the skating princess look is dependent on whether you look good in white tights.
It is 10 years since Paul Thomas Anderson first left audiences and critics dumbstruck and confounded with his breakthrough film Boogie Nights
Letting the days go by....
And so, yet another innocent creature prepares to die for the Coen brothers' art.
Björk the artist is a force of nature.
He trusted his readers to find out what terrazzo meant, or at least to appreciate the sentence for its poetry.
It's not LOLcats… it's LOLBrians!
"Roadrunner" might be the best rock 'n' roll song of all time
I abhor racism and oppression or cruelty of any kind
From Shakespeare, Conrad took not only doubt and scepticism, but also cultural multiplicity - the idea that there is never a single right position in human affairs.
We know from this Bad Seeds record what the next Grinderman record should be.
It was as eccentric outsider Max Fischer in 1999's Rushmore that Schwartzman and best friend Anderson both gained a cult following.
My sister used to dress me up a lot. She thought I was a little doll.
When it comes to Wes Anderson, it is sometimes hard to tell where the facts end and the fictions begin.
Kubrick had created a metaphysical drama encompassing evolution, reincarnation, the beauty of space, the terror of science, the mystery of mankind.
Friends who have known Seinfeld for years say that he has always been sharply attuned to the fitness of his stand-up act
In one of the most quoted lines in Casablanca, Bogart tells Bergman: 'We'll always have Paris.'
This is what makes Steve Buscemi such a great actor.
I bought the second Macintosh sold in Europe back in 1984 (Douglas Adams bought the first).
Arcade Fire's aversion to celebrity may have something to do with their roots in Montreal
"I encountered Constable Parish, who approached me disguised as a fortnight's holiday in Benidorm ..."
Back at his flat, he caresses and coos over the heels he's bought, and parades in front of the mirror in a black floral dress, rubbing his (nonexistent) breasts.
Perfection is where great film-makers eventually arrive. For Bresson it was a point of departure.
A big hug and kiss to each one of you
But the green-and-white hoops win out, because Celtic wore their numbers on their shorts - and nowhere else.
My iPod likes the Fall.
He was into cross-dressing. He wore pantyhose with cut-out parts, high heels, dresses, wigs, make-up: the whole thing.
Is this why John couldn't resist making Yoko an honorary Beatle, or the reason Paul offered Linda a tambourine?
Ten years ago, he was Britain's most famous transvestite surrealist comedian.
The Holly Woodlawn of 2007 is a far cry from the sweet-voiced cross-dresser who made her first splash in the film Trash in 1970
But the beauty of Stop Making Sense is that, unusually, the camera lingered on the musicians in the act of performance
Good tunes — rollicking licks, spastic drum rolls, and breathless refrains colliding into one another — is all we've got here
We decided in the end that the Jaffa cake is iconic in its way
Aliens and cow anuses. I could talk to Aykroyd about this for hours
I think there should be an hour of total boredom every day for all kids.
I started Foo Fighters because I didn't want to retreat.
even now, the phrase "plate of shrimp" occurs to me with metronomic frequency
John Lennon was easy to interview.
What I like about cross-dressing
David Byrne, who turned 55 this year, is definitely doing his bit for the online oldies
What were little-girl-screams if not the essential heart of the Beatles' true sound, the human voice in a karaoke track consisting of the band itself?
"This John Cusack guy: I always see something going on in there, and I don't know what it is"
Talking Heads: 77
Then we could toss Brief Encounter in the burn-bag and replace it with A Canterbury Tale
Big bollocksy Bob Hoskins now seems so small and vulnerable - and all the more likeble for it.
Andy Warhol said everything is actually getting worse, that America is sick, and America is the only place that matters (for he was utterly American).
For me, the Dude has a certain type of wisdom.
25 women jostle for space as they change into push-up bras, skimpy vests, hot pants and fishnets.
But like most great filmmakers, Yang was timeless, and transcendent of linguistic or geographic barriers.
When Lisa's yellow face fills the screen for the first time it's like some sort of acid trip.
If a fella finds a special lady-friend that appreciates TBL, she's a keeper!
Roadrunner is one of the most magical songs in existence.
Throughout his career, in Spain, Mexico and France, the great film-maker Luis Buñuel made features with a surrealist spirit.
The Pixies, like the Smiths, were most famous for not sucking at a time that mostly everyone else did.
In his 30 Los Angeles years, Matt Groening has never been busier than he's been over the past few months
And yet there was a lot to be said for the undercarriage aeration of the stocking experience
It was therefore with rather a shock that I realised I had volunteered to obtain tickets for a one-night Beatle concert in Leicester.
I've spoken to lots of young kids in gangs or "crews" as they prefer to be known
The role of pants in the spread of western culture has been wrongly sidelined, according to medieval historians
In the flesh, Björk is brilliantly odd.
The best thing is to wear pantyhose or some pants under a short skirt
There's something enigmatic about this Christian Bale, something indefinable that serves him in his craft.
Spinal Tap really don't know anything about global warming.
"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man"
The discovery of the giant bird has shaken scientists' understanding of penguin evolution.
With Sergeant Pepper, the Beatles addressed the effects of a huge shift in the western mindset in the middle of the 20th century
I can has neck?
is mah birfday
There is no bigger or badder drag queen than Björk.
What? Lou Reed says Walk on the Wild Side wasn't a real hit?
Cave, as a poetic craftsman, provides all the enjambment, ellipsis and onomatopoeia that anyone could wish for.
There's always someone affirming the significance of a song by taking a woman into his arms or by getting through the night.
Like no other record, Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band ushered in a new age
I have never known a man of such intelligence coupled with genuine humility
It was great good fortune to be young at the time of the Beatles
In 2007, the Chemical Brothers find themselves playing the unlikely role of survivors
It's a huge part of my life, the Beatles.
The return of the prodigal trouser!
Whatever they made of The Battle of Algiers at the Pentagon, this is a must-see for everyone else now.
Put another way: those whom the gods would destroy, they first dress in spandex.
With the publication of Ulysses in 1922, the novel reaches a point at which each line, each image and each turn of phrase crackles and hums with the associations that it's firing off to every corner of the work.
and for ... tights
the Smiths almost single-handedly reclaimed and revitalised the ailing tradition of the guitar-driven, four-piece rock group.
Byrne knows far more than three chords.
Brian's meat and two veg
Sir Paul McCartney is standing in my kitchen making a dressing for the salad.
Björk is leaning backwards over the sofa, pressing the hips of her pink dress against the cushions
It may not happen, but I'm determined to play Lear before I die.
As Americans turn away quite leisurely, keeping tuned to internet shopping and American Idol, the foundations of democracy are being fatally corroded.
A classic example is Harry Dean Stanton, whose work can, if strung together properly, make up a month-long single-actor film festival.
What? No Joy Division
It's a film to be experienced (and enjoyed) rather than interpreted and explicated.
Shakespeare's political beliefs are as elusive as his religion, his sexuality and just about everything else about him that matters.
China came rather late to the Gong Li phenomenon
Does Eddie Izzard know
None of the stories of debauchery would count for much had the music the Only Ones made not been remarkable, but it was.
Finally they've found a way to stop Don Cheadle stealing a scene
"My" Beatle was George Harrison.
Arcade Fire abruptly plunge into action
"Being around Nico was kinda depressing"
Everybody knows the story of the Beatles.
Next comes a version of Father Ted acted out by local schoolchildren in the Irish language.
How boring the cinema would be without David Lynch
The Arcade Fire aren't speaking to us; they are us.
Jean Baudrillard's death did not take place.
Recorded in a church in Quebec, Neon Bible sounds like an end-of-days revival meeting in a flooded bunker.
Afterwards, in the street outside, I found the oddballs and cross-dressers an eclectic and likable bunch
It's hard to think of another album that rocks in such an epic manner without sounding completely ridiculous.
At the very least, he suggests, it points to an extremely detailed, if not fetishistic, interest in the minutiae of ladies' apparel.
Someone from Ethiopia would consider the Beatles world music
In Josey Wales, from the very beginning, the hero was a person who was a fugitive from war and from the tragedy of war
David Lynch has always been a byword for weird; this is double weird with cream on top.
This year, Nick Cave turns 50.
He wears dresses and make-up
Los Olvidados took barely three weeks to make in 1950 on a shoestring budget, but hit the world screen like a fist through plate glass.
The only joke in Shaun Of The Dead that never got a laugh in the States was Ed's request for a Cornetto ice cream at 8am on a Sunday morning.
Ever seen Last Year at Marienbad?
Last May, the Fall imploded, as is the Fall's wont, on stage in America.
David Eric Grohl (January 14 1969 - February 5 2007)
We love the Beatles
Today is Superbowl Sunday. And this
is a superb owl.
Arcade Fire sound like a junk-shop band playing the greatest hits of Talking Heads
Bob Dylan's "God said to Abraham, kill me a son" is a perfect example of a benefactive double-object dative construction
She is one of the most cherished people in show business.
I don't want to be a part of the everyday.
Arcade Fire produce a sound so explosive you fear the crackling speakers might rupture
Oldham's shroud of mystery may have slipped a little tonight, but that did him no harm at all.
Schoolyard penis seen from space
David Byrne keeps a small black diary on his bookcase, with "DB - Idears" written on the spine in gold ink.
Cinéphilie no longer exists in France
Compiling a mix tape is also, of course, a labour of love, an act of dogged devotion.
Will Oldham himself likes to remain as mystifying and unknowable as his songs
You are the definer
Why Oh Why Must England Always Let Me Down?
Waits's love lyrics sting with salty disenchantment, and are all the more touching for it
He has a very expansive vision and there's no telling what he might consider funny
Lebowski is the arm-flailing, obscenity-laced outburst in the car afterwards.
Beck is a funny mix of the very silly and the very serious - a philosopher-poet who likes dressing up and slapstick.
How To Be A Girl